7th July 2011

Eventhough this is a class project, I can add posts of my own dealing with similar subject matter. So this post is me, with no "holes" bared. I am a complex person, although I guess I never realized it. Once I take all the makeup off, let my hair down (I like to wear it in a matronly bun) and of course loose the bra and business clothes for something sloppy, the real me comes to life.  Of course at home I am someone entirely different-- a mother, daughter, and sister-- the head of my household. I never felt like someone's wife, because he was never here when we were married. Out of our short lived marriage, I would say that we actually lived together one consecutive year, but we were married more than five years.

I was born in Mobile, Alabama -- with very, very old family ties from the south. One of my favorite hobbies is reading.  I do not do much independent reading since I am in college. But, what ever they (the professors) want me to read, I am up for the challenge. Currently, I am in the process of moving to Charlotte, North Carolina from the home I have lived in for more than seven years.  I suppose you do not realize how much you accummulate until you get ready to move. I ran across a book in particular that I briefly glanced at, one is A Southern Belle Primer or why Princess Margaret will never be a Kappa Kappa Gamma by Marilyn Schwartz.

I get tickled when I read Marilyn Schwartz's book. It reminds me a lot of my "blue haired" grandmother who lived in Jackson, Mississippi and what her dinner table used to look like when we were growing up.  We were truly southern. Mamie, my paternal grandmother, was a member of the Junior League, United Daughters of the Confederacy, King's Daughters, Eastern Star and a few other ladies clubs that I can not even remember the name of. According to Marilyn Schwartz, the oral history of your family is important as well as who your people are. Well I guess that made our family important since we were part of the Waltons, Clowers, Milsaps, Burns, Moores, Estills, Smiths, etc. I didn't have to be taught to set a table or entertain, that all came natural as passed on to me by Mamie and my mother.

My maternal grandmother was a different story. She too was from Mississippi and the daughter of a weathly farmer. Only the wealth didn't pass to her. She and my grandfather lived in Mobile, Alabama. She wasn't a member of much of anything.  It seems she had a tremendous amount of personal pain in her life. I was not too close to her, but I will not speak ill of either of my grandparents on both sides because they are deceased -- and because my opinion of either set of grandparents wouldn't be nice to say the least. On my maternal side we were part of the Dykes, Elzeys, Baptistes, Lions, Walters (Waters), Odoms, Lamberts, Waldrops, etc.

I am about as true southern as you can get. Because my lineage is very detailed. I have the familial ancestry to be part of the Daughters of the American Revolution (through 6 direct ancestors.) My ancestors were in Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida before it became part of the United States.   I was invited, twice, to join the Junior League. I was invited five different times to join the Daughter's of the American Revolution. I started to join the Eastern Star in Jackson once, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I have danced with governor's, and even had one try to "cop" a feel of my breast. (No it wasn't Bill Clinton -- wrong state.) I have had a state congressman offer me his political seat (he was retiring) and all I had to do was sleep with him. (Viagra hadn't even come out on the market and he was as old as the hills and no I didn't sleep with him.) I have dined at the finest restraurants in the south where the dinner entree minimum was more than $100.00 per person and the prices were not listed on the menu.  I have been to political functions in some very elite clubs. I have been a member of two country clubs-- back then when they were extremely elite. I must admit, though, I am not as traveled as I should be, because I am basically a loner, a bitch, a snob and generally a person who doesn't like to really hang out with anyone unless I have known them for more than 5 years and or it suits me.

But what did this all get me? Nothing. It did nothing for my self-esteem; it didn't put food on the table; it didn't teach me the really important things in life; it didn't make me who I really am.  I did though teach me, the world is my audience and I am the actor. If I had listened to my high school counselor I would have truly been an unhappy person. In 1977, my high school GPA was 1.25. No chance of me going to college. I was told, "young lady, you just aren't smart enough. You need to take some typing courses, find you a good husband and settle down. You just aren't college material." I believed her then. I stopped believing in those word when I was bed ridden in 1989 with a high risk pregnancy, my son. I picked up a book and started reading. I eventually found myself.

Fast forward to 2011, I will be graduating in December of this year with my BA and a GPA of 3.30.  I am in my 50's. I am going to law school in the fall of 2012. I have already started the application process. I am scared and there is no doubt about it. I will always be someone's mother, daughter, or sister, but now I will study hard to be someone's lawyer.  I will work for myself and I will be good.  What all of this did for me was to help me reinvent myself. It helped me live in a real connected world. It has taught me when to put on the "rose colored glasses" and when to take them off. I will always be southern by birth but a belle, I will never be!