I have been feeling really strange lately and unable to figure out why until today. I received an e-mail to confirm my son's orientation at school. He is leaving home on September 2, 2011, to go an live in a dorm. He is getting his dream training and that is to become a Executive Chef. But it doesn't end there. He informed me that in his sophomore year and every year after, he will be spending an entire three semesters in a foreign country like Paris, Rome, and some other exotic city until he graduates.
As a mother, all of this has weighed very heavily on my mind and more so on my heart. He is my eldest of two and the time has come. It is ripping my heart out! I want to scream and cry and tell my "little boy" that he cannot go! I cannot stand it when you are not in my life--to see you everyday! (Next year, I will probably be writing the same thing about my youngest -- my "little girl." She left home once but came back quickly because -- we equally were just not ready. They both have been going to junior college to get a handle on their grades and preparation to be out in the big great world and "off the Mommie's farm."
Deep down inside, I knew this day was coming. But why did it have to come so quickly? Yesterday, he was getting on the bus for the first time to go to kindergarten at Thames Elementary in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I stood there staring at him, at every feature on his face, every mark, looking at his clothes, and making a mental note of every little detail there is to see. Then he snapped me back to life, "Mommie! I have to go, let go!" He left. I cried.
But, I have to realize that letting go is a natural process in the development of both parent and child -- a very hard concept to understand because we love so very deeply. We carried that "thing" inside of us and felt every little move they made. He would get into a thither and kick so much, that I would just pat my stomach and he would settle down. For him leaving will not change the fact that I love him and have told him so everyday since he was born. I wanted to make sure that he understood above all else was that he was loved and wanted and needed.
This blog is to my son, go out into the world and try. Make your own life and your own way. I may cry and tell you my heart is breaking, but in truth, this is what I want for you. I have raised you well and am very proud of the job I did and the way you have turned out. We kept our house dysfunctional, crazy at times, and goofy, but we have had a loving --safe-- home. Our house was never perfect and I did not raise you that way. I raised you to be human and give of yourself when you can. You have given of yourself more often than I care to comment. Now go. It is time. Go out into the world, spread your wings and fly. I love you but we will all be fine-- and that means you too.
Mother Teresa
"Everyone lives to be needed." Mother Teresa
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
27th of July 2011
I am so steadily engrossed in my biological anthropology class that I just had to...I had to be an imp. I have a wonderful professor teaching this class. He has to be wonderful to put up with my garbage and all the crazy questions I send him in e-mails. I find that he is super intellectual and has a great sense of humor. Now mind you, I have never met this man, but I find myself fond of him (not in a crazed woman staulker situation) but as an instructor who has been kind and understanding to the needs of his students.
So this is the last week of this class and I am finishing up some of my paperwork and an important question was posed. I just had to write this down for all those grueling test I studied for and just because of the "imp" in me. This is what I turned it.
You will never in your entire life meet another crazy student like me. I have enjoyed your class tremendously! Thank you so much. (Now that being said -- I have a "A" in lecture will you give me a better grade in Lab..probably not. (I have a "C" in lab.) He is not that type of professor!)
So this is the last week of this class and I am finishing up some of my paperwork and an important question was posed. I just had to write this down for all those grueling test I studied for and just because of the "imp" in me. This is what I turned it.
- What are the stages of human life history and how is it different from other species?
Well in Julia’s explanation ---all mammals have these little adults with a more developed brains. Not so for humans. We have this little wrinkly, sour faced infants – that cry all the time, eat, sleep and poop. They are 100% helpless then they become these big humans that whine all the time, eat, sleep, and poop. You have to make these loud yelling noises to get them to respond to your voice when they have the man-made apparatuses in their ears. Between the time they are helpless and they time they are more helpless, they get into your stored food supply and make these grunting noises. Then they have these fierce competitions as to who gets what in the assembled nature of manufactured goods. I don’t think other mammals do this. This is why there is an unexplained period after menopause in human females. They need this time to compress all the stress between the baby male spouse (if you have one) and the baby offspring and to adjust to all those nasty – horrid moans that are floating around in the female body. Then they finally realized that they forgot to take out the years of nuclear waste that the offspring left them with when they moved out into the civilized jungle to pretend on being independent.
To Dr. Leone,You will never in your entire life meet another crazy student like me. I have enjoyed your class tremendously! Thank you so much. (Now that being said -- I have a "A" in lecture will you give me a better grade in Lab..probably not. (I have a "C" in lab.) He is not that type of professor!)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
24th July 2011
It is Sunday and I am just resting. Just thinking about a recent book that I have read -- The Beloved by Toni Morrison. Wow! This is such a moving book and to somewhat (in my opinion) very emotionally draining. So much happened to the characters in this book that it really moved me to thinking about the millions of people who have suffered.
The book is basically about a family, about how far a mother will go to protect her children, and about making a life for one's self after the Civil War for people who were freed. (You can note that I do not use the words African-American. I do not like those words because I feel it has too much stigmatism denoted to it. You are either an American or not! There is no true race in America -- just a bunch of "mutts!")
The main character is this book is Sethe -- a runaway and now freed slave. What really hurt me about this character is that when I read, I try to put myself in her shoes. She walked through eternity for freedom to save her family while she was very pregnant. Her legs were extremely painful and swollen to the point all of her senses had become numb. I just cannot image what it would be like to run pregnant with swollen legs for my life. I understand the swollen legs during pregnancy. I could put my legs up and rest. There was no rest for a runaway slave, no safety or no freedom.
But in reading this book it made me honestly sit down and think about what it might be like to be owned by someone. Not necessarily in an emotional relationship but really owned to where I have no freedom. What would it be like to be told what time to get up in the morning, what my duties in life were and to have every aspect of my life controlled by someone else? It is damn scary! Oh well take a closer look, in this day and time there are still slaves -- abducted and sold for sexual purposes. Then there will always be people who pretend to be "dominated" slaves for a sexual game. But why would people want to have ownership over another person? Is it for controlling power or for an economic reason? Either way you look at it someone stood to gain from slavery financially. Another way to think about all of this-- controlling for financial purposes.
So what do you think I did about all these questions I had on women who were held in slavery? I spent an afternoon on the internet “Googling!” What I found was more than I was hoping for. It really depressed me. I didn’t exactly know how to respond to all of the information that I had read. My mind was in overload with some really heavy information. I really wanted to hurt someone but who and how. The best way to hurt someone is to expose what the issues are and become educated and then to educate. By posting this I might be able to save one life from slavery. By viewing this you might be able to say one person from slavery. That alone is just two lives that we cannot afford to lose.
I am asking for everyone who reads this particular blog to examine all the information on this subject that I have posted. Watch the videos. In our lifetime we each have crosses to bear, and suffer at one point or another. My life has been painful, but, nothing can compare as to being owned by another person, or being in fear if today was my last day, or being held down and beaten, or having sex forced on me. I have my problems but there are minuscule compared to what our country had once participated in and what our country doesn’t pay enough attention to when it comes to women and children – especially.
If anyone gets a chance Read Toni Morrison's book - The Beloved and a Poem written by William C Bryant (1794-1878) called The Death of Slavery. Both are so passionately moving.
The book is basically about a family, about how far a mother will go to protect her children, and about making a life for one's self after the Civil War for people who were freed. (You can note that I do not use the words African-American. I do not like those words because I feel it has too much stigmatism denoted to it. You are either an American or not! There is no true race in America -- just a bunch of "mutts!")
The main character is this book is Sethe -- a runaway and now freed slave. What really hurt me about this character is that when I read, I try to put myself in her shoes. She walked through eternity for freedom to save her family while she was very pregnant. Her legs were extremely painful and swollen to the point all of her senses had become numb. I just cannot image what it would be like to run pregnant with swollen legs for my life. I understand the swollen legs during pregnancy. I could put my legs up and rest. There was no rest for a runaway slave, no safety or no freedom.
But in reading this book it made me honestly sit down and think about what it might be like to be owned by someone. Not necessarily in an emotional relationship but really owned to where I have no freedom. What would it be like to be told what time to get up in the morning, what my duties in life were and to have every aspect of my life controlled by someone else? It is damn scary! Oh well take a closer look, in this day and time there are still slaves -- abducted and sold for sexual purposes. Then there will always be people who pretend to be "dominated" slaves for a sexual game. But why would people want to have ownership over another person? Is it for controlling power or for an economic reason? Either way you look at it someone stood to gain from slavery financially. Another way to think about all of this-- controlling for financial purposes.
So what do you think I did about all these questions I had on women who were held in slavery? I spent an afternoon on the internet “Googling!” What I found was more than I was hoping for. It really depressed me. I didn’t exactly know how to respond to all of the information that I had read. My mind was in overload with some really heavy information. I really wanted to hurt someone but who and how. The best way to hurt someone is to expose what the issues are and become educated and then to educate. By posting this I might be able to save one life from slavery. By viewing this you might be able to say one person from slavery. That alone is just two lives that we cannot afford to lose.
I am asking for everyone who reads this particular blog to examine all the information on this subject that I have posted. Watch the videos. In our lifetime we each have crosses to bear, and suffer at one point or another. My life has been painful, but, nothing can compare as to being owned by another person, or being in fear if today was my last day, or being held down and beaten, or having sex forced on me. I have my problems but there are minuscule compared to what our country had once participated in and what our country doesn’t pay enough attention to when it comes to women and children – especially.
If anyone gets a chance Read Toni Morrison's book - The Beloved and a Poem written by William C Bryant (1794-1878) called The Death of Slavery. Both are so passionately moving.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
18th July 2011
I had to finish my work up early this week because I was in the process of moving from one city to the next. This week in my American Motherhood class, I read a series of literature from women who were lesbians and their struggles for motherhood. Ok. I am not going to lie about all of this. I know nothing about same sex relationships. I am a heterosexual that was raised under what I call the monolithic relationship regime. Yes I said "monolithic!" ...and yes relationships according to the way I was raised are "stone aged" compared to what I have seen in the past 10 years. A while back, in the political arena, all the politicians wanted to get back to the "wholesome American Family Values."
Sure we can go back to a time that was simpler, gas was cheaper, groceries were cheaper, women were second class, cars were easier to operate, possessing pornography was a feleony, people actually talked face to face, and everyone hid their "little secrets" in the closet. Yeah right! Who is fooling who? Well let's actually examine the "wholesome American Family Values" of yester-year.
Many people of the "nuclear family age" remember shows that were simple like Ozzie and Harriett. Now don't get me wrong, I watched their show and loved it. Take a closer look. Harriett was a working mother. She worked before, during and after her marriage ended with the death of Ozzie in 1975. She had help in raising her children with well paid "assistants." Both of her sons are now deceased, David died in 2011 and Ricky died in a plane crash in 1985. There is more to the family values than meets the eye. The perfect televison world was not so perfect. There was drug usage by Ricky Nelson and his wife Kris Harmon. Children's life were turned upside down due to a very messy divorce and custody battle. Their wholesome family values were fiction -- a script.
I understand another great supporter of family values was the late President Ronald Reagan and his wife Nancy. She too was a working mother -- in a paid job -- until the late 1950's. Then she took on the role of being a mother to several children -- one being Maureen Reagan from Ronald Reagan's 1st marriage. They were so wholesome, they had a rebel daughter named Patti Davis, who made the cover of Playboy. Patti also had some narcotic problems of her own to contend with. Their lives were also fictional -- some of it made up by great publicists.
I could go on and speak of great people like Chas Bono (formerly Chasity Bono daughter of the late Sonny Bono and Cher.) I also could give you great examples from private citizens who are firm believers in "Traditionalism." But I will not! What point am I making? There is no such thing as "wholesome Family Values" or "Traditional Family Values." It was all made up -- ficticious!
I have always been a strong supporter of "you tell a lie long enough and it becomes truth." History attributes to that fact. What do I mean? Did Washington really cut down the apple tree? Did he really say "I cannot tell a lie." NO! It was a fabrication.
To close this post down, Lesbianism and motherhood is an interesting concept. Me having children was an interesting concept -- but I did it! (I was married then divorced and raised them without their father. He is still out trying to find himself on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico.) There are children in the world and children waiting to be born that need loving parents without the sexuality stigma attached--that our society so ill mannerly placed on certain groups-- G/L/B. Let's dispell some myths.
You cannot tell a lesbian walking down the street anymore than you can a gay man or a person who is bi-sexual. There are good parents and there are bad parents -- some in same sex relationships and some in heterosexual relationships. If there are good parents, their sexual activity doesn't generally enter into the family realm until the child is school age. That sexual activity is a "TALK ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES!" And not what mommy and daddy or significant other are doing behind closed doors.
The definition of a family is a group (related or not) of people that love and care for each other -- some married, some single, and some not. Christians -- live in a glass houses and shouldn't throw stones! My last question is -- who the heck and what the heck is the "moral majority"-- majority over? Moral majority you are just an opinion and not a very good one at that.
Sources:
Darrach, Brad. Life after Ozzie and Harriet. People Magazine.9th September 1987. Vol. 28 No. 9
http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20097045,00.html. Web 19th July 2011
NNDB Biography on Patti Davis. 2011 Soylent Communication.
Sure we can go back to a time that was simpler, gas was cheaper, groceries were cheaper, women were second class, cars were easier to operate, possessing pornography was a feleony, people actually talked face to face, and everyone hid their "little secrets" in the closet. Yeah right! Who is fooling who? Well let's actually examine the "wholesome American Family Values" of yester-year.
Many people of the "nuclear family age" remember shows that were simple like Ozzie and Harriett. Now don't get me wrong, I watched their show and loved it. Take a closer look. Harriett was a working mother. She worked before, during and after her marriage ended with the death of Ozzie in 1975. She had help in raising her children with well paid "assistants." Both of her sons are now deceased, David died in 2011 and Ricky died in a plane crash in 1985. There is more to the family values than meets the eye. The perfect televison world was not so perfect. There was drug usage by Ricky Nelson and his wife Kris Harmon. Children's life were turned upside down due to a very messy divorce and custody battle. Their wholesome family values were fiction -- a script.
I understand another great supporter of family values was the late President Ronald Reagan and his wife Nancy. She too was a working mother -- in a paid job -- until the late 1950's. Then she took on the role of being a mother to several children -- one being Maureen Reagan from Ronald Reagan's 1st marriage. They were so wholesome, they had a rebel daughter named Patti Davis, who made the cover of Playboy. Patti also had some narcotic problems of her own to contend with. Their lives were also fictional -- some of it made up by great publicists.
I could go on and speak of great people like Chas Bono (formerly Chasity Bono daughter of the late Sonny Bono and Cher.) I also could give you great examples from private citizens who are firm believers in "Traditionalism." But I will not! What point am I making? There is no such thing as "wholesome Family Values" or "Traditional Family Values." It was all made up -- ficticious!
I have always been a strong supporter of "you tell a lie long enough and it becomes truth." History attributes to that fact. What do I mean? Did Washington really cut down the apple tree? Did he really say "I cannot tell a lie." NO! It was a fabrication.
To close this post down, Lesbianism and motherhood is an interesting concept. Me having children was an interesting concept -- but I did it! (I was married then divorced and raised them without their father. He is still out trying to find himself on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico.) There are children in the world and children waiting to be born that need loving parents without the sexuality stigma attached--that our society so ill mannerly placed on certain groups-- G/L/B. Let's dispell some myths.
You cannot tell a lesbian walking down the street anymore than you can a gay man or a person who is bi-sexual. There are good parents and there are bad parents -- some in same sex relationships and some in heterosexual relationships. If there are good parents, their sexual activity doesn't generally enter into the family realm until the child is school age. That sexual activity is a "TALK ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES!" And not what mommy and daddy or significant other are doing behind closed doors.
The definition of a family is a group (related or not) of people that love and care for each other -- some married, some single, and some not. Christians -- live in a glass houses and shouldn't throw stones! My last question is -- who the heck and what the heck is the "moral majority"-- majority over? Moral majority you are just an opinion and not a very good one at that.
Sources:
Darrach, Brad. Life after Ozzie and Harriet. People Magazine.9th September 1987. Vol. 28 No. 9
http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20097045,00.html. Web 19th July 2011
NNDB Biography on Patti Davis. 2011 Soylent Communication.
http://www.nndb.com/people/253/000049106/. Web. 19th July 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
10th of July, 2011
This week we have been studying the African-American mother and her obsticles. The professor asked a question about how the media viewed the popularity of Michelle Obama. At that point, I started to think about women in History. Women in history really didn't become known well until about the 1970's when it started to become a collegiate academic study. I realized I know some but not a lot about the matriarchs of history. Of course, we studied our founding fathers -- God bless their pea-picking souls! Then after the Civil Rights Act of 1964, historians started to include in our studies African-American males and their attributes. Of course in the my world we knew about Madame Curie, Clara Barton, and Florence Nighttingale (every young girls heroine during my time.) That was the extent to my education on women in History.
Tonight, I started to do a little research. I found limited information on women in history. I did make a lot of discoveries. Women have been rustling their skirts for years and that is where I will start 1784. I will just publish names for everyone to look up--like I did. I will mention a few which was of real interest to me (this list is multi-racial.)
1784 -- Elisabeth Thible
1798 -- Jeanne Labrosse -- 1st woman to solo a hot air balloon
1992-- Mae Jemison
1957 -- Althea Gibson -- 1st black woman to win the high jump and receive a gold medal in the Olympics
1921 -- Bessie Coleman -- 1st American woman/African-American woman to received a pilots license.
1939 -- Jackie Cochran -- 1st woman to be a test pilot before Chuck Yager became famous.
1947 -- Ann Shaw Carter -- 1st American woman to earn a helicopter rating
1941 -- Valentina Grizodubova -- Commander of 300 men during WW II of Russian bomber squadron --Russia (WW II ally) was the only country that allowed women bomber pilots with the exception of Turkey.
1941 -- Sabiha Gokcen --Turkey female fighter pilot during WW II.
Jane Adams (1860-1935)
Marian Anderson (1902-1995)
Ida B. Wells Barnett (1862-1931)
Belle Boyd (1844-1900)
Grace Hopper (1906-1992)
Susie Taylor King (1848-1912) -- 1st African-American Nurse during Civil War
Victoria Woodhull (1838-1927) -- 1st Woman nominated for President of the US with the running mate of Frederick Douglas as VP in 1872-- nominated by the Equal Rights Party.
The women that I didn't put anything by their name, I thought I would leave the interest up to the individual reader to find out about. The last group of women, I do not know who they are but they took a very big chance during World War II. This group of ladies, voluteered for a job in the European Theatre. The mail systems had haulted during World War II in Birmingham, England.
The 6888th Central Postal Directory Army Corp Battalion was assembled for the job. They were all African-American Women and the only corp of African-American women during World War II who served in Europe.
Sources:
http://rwnutjob.blogspot.com/2009/05/forgotten-history-womens-auxiliary.html
http://www.suite101.com/content/black-women-in-wwii-a-forgotten-story-a83893
http://www.ctie.monash.edu.au/hargrave/grizodubova.html
http://www.bessiecoleman.com/
http://www.lkwdpl.org/wihohio/figures.htm
http://www.victoria-woodhull.com/whoisvw.htm
http://www.answers.com/topic/susie-king-taylor-1
Tonight, I started to do a little research. I found limited information on women in history. I did make a lot of discoveries. Women have been rustling their skirts for years and that is where I will start 1784. I will just publish names for everyone to look up--like I did. I will mention a few which was of real interest to me (this list is multi-racial.)
1784 -- Elisabeth Thible
1798 -- Jeanne Labrosse -- 1st woman to solo a hot air balloon
1992-- Mae Jemison
1957 -- Althea Gibson -- 1st black woman to win the high jump and receive a gold medal in the Olympics
1921 -- Bessie Coleman -- 1st American woman/African-American woman to received a pilots license.
1939 -- Jackie Cochran -- 1st woman to be a test pilot before Chuck Yager became famous.
1947 -- Ann Shaw Carter -- 1st American woman to earn a helicopter rating
1941 -- Valentina Grizodubova -- Commander of 300 men during WW II of Russian bomber squadron --Russia (WW II ally) was the only country that allowed women bomber pilots with the exception of Turkey.
1941 -- Sabiha Gokcen --Turkey female fighter pilot during WW II.
Jane Adams (1860-1935)
Marian Anderson (1902-1995)
Ida B. Wells Barnett (1862-1931)
Belle Boyd (1844-1900)
Grace Hopper (1906-1992)
Susie Taylor King (1848-1912) -- 1st African-American Nurse during Civil War
Victoria Woodhull (1838-1927) -- 1st Woman nominated for President of the US with the running mate of Frederick Douglas as VP in 1872-- nominated by the Equal Rights Party.
The women that I didn't put anything by their name, I thought I would leave the interest up to the individual reader to find out about. The last group of women, I do not know who they are but they took a very big chance during World War II. This group of ladies, voluteered for a job in the European Theatre. The mail systems had haulted during World War II in Birmingham, England.
The 6888th Central Postal Directory Army Corp Battalion was assembled for the job. They were all African-American Women and the only corp of African-American women during World War II who served in Europe.
Sources:
http://rwnutjob.blogspot.com/2009/05/forgotten-history-womens-auxiliary.html
http://www.suite101.com/content/black-women-in-wwii-a-forgotten-story-a83893
http://www.ctie.monash.edu.au/hargrave/grizodubova.html
http://www.bessiecoleman.com/
http://www.lkwdpl.org/wihohio/figures.htm
http://www.victoria-woodhull.com/whoisvw.htm
http://www.answers.com/topic/susie-king-taylor-1
Friday, July 8, 2011
7th July 2011
Eventhough this is a class project, I can add posts of my own dealing with similar subject matter. So this post is me, with no "holes" bared. I am a complex person, although I guess I never realized it. Once I take all the makeup off, let my hair down (I like to wear it in a matronly bun) and of course loose the bra and business clothes for something sloppy, the real me comes to life. Of course at home I am someone entirely different-- a mother, daughter, and sister-- the head of my household. I never felt like someone's wife, because he was never here when we were married. Out of our short lived marriage, I would say that we actually lived together one consecutive year, but we were married more than five years.
I was born in Mobile, Alabama -- with very, very old family ties from the south. One of my favorite hobbies is reading. I do not do much independent reading since I am in college. But, what ever they (the professors) want me to read, I am up for the challenge. Currently, I am in the process of moving to Charlotte, North Carolina from the home I have lived in for more than seven years. I suppose you do not realize how much you accummulate until you get ready to move. I ran across a book in particular that I briefly glanced at, one is A Southern Belle Primer or why Princess Margaret will never be a Kappa Kappa Gamma by Marilyn Schwartz.
I get tickled when I read Marilyn Schwartz's book. It reminds me a lot of my "blue haired" grandmother who lived in Jackson, Mississippi and what her dinner table used to look like when we were growing up. We were truly southern. Mamie, my paternal grandmother, was a member of the Junior League, United Daughters of the Confederacy, King's Daughters, Eastern Star and a few other ladies clubs that I can not even remember the name of. According to Marilyn Schwartz, the oral history of your family is important as well as who your people are. Well I guess that made our family important since we were part of the Waltons, Clowers, Milsaps, Burns, Moores, Estills, Smiths, etc. I didn't have to be taught to set a table or entertain, that all came natural as passed on to me by Mamie and my mother.
My maternal grandmother was a different story. She too was from Mississippi and the daughter of a weathly farmer. Only the wealth didn't pass to her. She and my grandfather lived in Mobile, Alabama. She wasn't a member of much of anything. It seems she had a tremendous amount of personal pain in her life. I was not too close to her, but I will not speak ill of either of my grandparents on both sides because they are deceased -- and because my opinion of either set of grandparents wouldn't be nice to say the least. On my maternal side we were part of the Dykes, Elzeys, Baptistes, Lions, Walters (Waters), Odoms, Lamberts, Waldrops, etc.
I am about as true southern as you can get. Because my lineage is very detailed. I have the familial ancestry to be part of the Daughters of the American Revolution (through 6 direct ancestors.) My ancestors were in Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida before it became part of the United States. I was invited, twice, to join the Junior League. I was invited five different times to join the Daughter's of the American Revolution. I started to join the Eastern Star in Jackson once, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I have danced with governor's, and even had one try to "cop" a feel of my breast. (No it wasn't Bill Clinton -- wrong state.) I have had a state congressman offer me his political seat (he was retiring) and all I had to do was sleep with him. (Viagra hadn't even come out on the market and he was as old as the hills and no I didn't sleep with him.) I have dined at the finest restraurants in the south where the dinner entree minimum was more than $100.00 per person and the prices were not listed on the menu. I have been to political functions in some very elite clubs. I have been a member of two country clubs-- back then when they were extremely elite. I must admit, though, I am not as traveled as I should be, because I am basically a loner, a bitch, a snob and generally a person who doesn't like to really hang out with anyone unless I have known them for more than 5 years and or it suits me.
But what did this all get me? Nothing. It did nothing for my self-esteem; it didn't put food on the table; it didn't teach me the really important things in life; it didn't make me who I really am. I did though teach me, the world is my audience and I am the actor. If I had listened to my high school counselor I would have truly been an unhappy person. In 1977, my high school GPA was 1.25. No chance of me going to college. I was told, "young lady, you just aren't smart enough. You need to take some typing courses, find you a good husband and settle down. You just aren't college material." I believed her then. I stopped believing in those word when I was bed ridden in 1989 with a high risk pregnancy, my son. I picked up a book and started reading. I eventually found myself.
Fast forward to 2011, I will be graduating in December of this year with my BA and a GPA of 3.30. I am in my 50's. I am going to law school in the fall of 2012. I have already started the application process. I am scared and there is no doubt about it. I will always be someone's mother, daughter, or sister, but now I will study hard to be someone's lawyer. I will work for myself and I will be good. What all of this did for me was to help me reinvent myself. It helped me live in a real connected world. It has taught me when to put on the "rose colored glasses" and when to take them off. I will always be southern by birth but a belle, I will never be!
I was born in Mobile, Alabama -- with very, very old family ties from the south. One of my favorite hobbies is reading. I do not do much independent reading since I am in college. But, what ever they (the professors) want me to read, I am up for the challenge. Currently, I am in the process of moving to Charlotte, North Carolina from the home I have lived in for more than seven years. I suppose you do not realize how much you accummulate until you get ready to move. I ran across a book in particular that I briefly glanced at, one is A Southern Belle Primer or why Princess Margaret will never be a Kappa Kappa Gamma by Marilyn Schwartz.
I get tickled when I read Marilyn Schwartz's book. It reminds me a lot of my "blue haired" grandmother who lived in Jackson, Mississippi and what her dinner table used to look like when we were growing up. We were truly southern. Mamie, my paternal grandmother, was a member of the Junior League, United Daughters of the Confederacy, King's Daughters, Eastern Star and a few other ladies clubs that I can not even remember the name of. According to Marilyn Schwartz, the oral history of your family is important as well as who your people are. Well I guess that made our family important since we were part of the Waltons, Clowers, Milsaps, Burns, Moores, Estills, Smiths, etc. I didn't have to be taught to set a table or entertain, that all came natural as passed on to me by Mamie and my mother.
My maternal grandmother was a different story. She too was from Mississippi and the daughter of a weathly farmer. Only the wealth didn't pass to her. She and my grandfather lived in Mobile, Alabama. She wasn't a member of much of anything. It seems she had a tremendous amount of personal pain in her life. I was not too close to her, but I will not speak ill of either of my grandparents on both sides because they are deceased -- and because my opinion of either set of grandparents wouldn't be nice to say the least. On my maternal side we were part of the Dykes, Elzeys, Baptistes, Lions, Walters (Waters), Odoms, Lamberts, Waldrops, etc.
I am about as true southern as you can get. Because my lineage is very detailed. I have the familial ancestry to be part of the Daughters of the American Revolution (through 6 direct ancestors.) My ancestors were in Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida before it became part of the United States. I was invited, twice, to join the Junior League. I was invited five different times to join the Daughter's of the American Revolution. I started to join the Eastern Star in Jackson once, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I have danced with governor's, and even had one try to "cop" a feel of my breast. (No it wasn't Bill Clinton -- wrong state.) I have had a state congressman offer me his political seat (he was retiring) and all I had to do was sleep with him. (Viagra hadn't even come out on the market and he was as old as the hills and no I didn't sleep with him.) I have dined at the finest restraurants in the south where the dinner entree minimum was more than $100.00 per person and the prices were not listed on the menu. I have been to political functions in some very elite clubs. I have been a member of two country clubs-- back then when they were extremely elite. I must admit, though, I am not as traveled as I should be, because I am basically a loner, a bitch, a snob and generally a person who doesn't like to really hang out with anyone unless I have known them for more than 5 years and or it suits me.
But what did this all get me? Nothing. It did nothing for my self-esteem; it didn't put food on the table; it didn't teach me the really important things in life; it didn't make me who I really am. I did though teach me, the world is my audience and I am the actor. If I had listened to my high school counselor I would have truly been an unhappy person. In 1977, my high school GPA was 1.25. No chance of me going to college. I was told, "young lady, you just aren't smart enough. You need to take some typing courses, find you a good husband and settle down. You just aren't college material." I believed her then. I stopped believing in those word when I was bed ridden in 1989 with a high risk pregnancy, my son. I picked up a book and started reading. I eventually found myself.
Fast forward to 2011, I will be graduating in December of this year with my BA and a GPA of 3.30. I am in my 50's. I am going to law school in the fall of 2012. I have already started the application process. I am scared and there is no doubt about it. I will always be someone's mother, daughter, or sister, but now I will study hard to be someone's lawyer. I will work for myself and I will be good. What all of this did for me was to help me reinvent myself. It helped me live in a real connected world. It has taught me when to put on the "rose colored glasses" and when to take them off. I will always be southern by birth but a belle, I will never be!
Monday, July 4, 2011
American Motherhood and learned behavior - 4th July 2011
Ladies and gentlemen of the United States of America, please raise your right hand a repeat after me. “I do solemnly swear to volunteer my time as a non-wage earning laborer for the future of our economy? I now pronounce you able to be parents.
I know this oath sounds funny, but when you actually think about it, it is true. I recently read some of the inserts from a book for class written by Ann Crittenden, the Price of Motherhood. Now I understand why I felt worthless, that of second class person-citizen. As a mother (and a divorced one at that), I felt non-productive. Yet in most cases I couldn’t understand why. The rules that I was raised by were rules written by someone else. My parents followed them and so must I. This is learned behavior but not just from my parents, but from 100 of years of learned behavior. Part of this behavior is due to the interpretation of the modern evangelical world – which is spearheaded by men. Now I am not bashing men, so do not interpret what I am saying that way. (I love men. I gave birth to an adorable, to what is now a man/child—21 years ago. They are a gift from God above.) But what I am saying, Crittenden couldn’t have put it more plainly, “…..American mothers are their own worst enemies; and that this explains, more than anything else, why caring labor is so undervalued in this country.” We are undervalued as female parents.
I feel that corporate America and learned environmental behavior has a lot to do with the way that mothers/women are treated in the country. But who allows this? Women and why do we allow it? We do not band together to do anything about it as a strong collective group. I often wonder if the sanctity of care-giving is a “women’s territorial thing.” I have seen women, as Crittenden mentioned, that “do the power/position trip” when women in their employ need to spend time with their family. I had a boss that always put her children first. I had another boss whose children were her “dogs” and they were put first. I asked for a day off to be with my children at a function. I was denied because my job comes first. I was not needed at work on that day that I was told I couldn’t take off. A good leader is by example. A poor leader is I can do what I want and you can’t because I am the boss and you aren’t. That company lost their highest paid hourly wage earner for that department and performer. Also from experience, I have been told by women that an education isn’t that important after all I am 51, and what good would it do me? Women also tend to see women paying for food with food stamps and tend to think the worse about that woman without knowing the facts. So yes, America mothers are undervalued but I will add so are women in general. It has been that way for years and it will not change overnight because learned behavior has to be changed.
Crittenden studied what is called “Swedish Custom.” It was a fascinating study. In Sweden, with government backing through corporations, men are being trained to bond with their children in a more active role. (Looks like Sweden understands the concept that it takes a man and a woman equally to reproduce a baby.) Men are given more an opportunity and encouragement to take off from being the “bread winner” and participate more equally in the home life responsibilities with the woman. In the long run, their children are more productive and happy. Swedish men and women both are equally happy. Women are able to pursue their career choices easier. According to what Crittenden wrote men may divorce their women, but since they have a deeper bond with their children they aren’t absent fathers in time or support. I have to ask and wonder, though, if my ex-husband would have taken a course like this, maybe he wouldn’t owe $92,700 in back child support. He hasn't seen the children since 1993. He has always known where we were just a phone call away. He's absent--MIA in south Alabama.
FYI—mother’s generally raise boys to be men. If mothers do not want to feel undervalued anymore, then raise your boys to fix the non-paid labor situation of the American mother/care-giver. P.S. I don’t feel worthless anymore. I broke with learned behavior-- a long time ago.
FYI—mother’s generally raise boys to be men. If mothers do not want to feel undervalued anymore, then raise your boys to fix the non-paid labor situation of the American mother/care-giver. P.S. I don’t feel worthless anymore. I broke with learned behavior-- a long time ago.
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About Me
- Julia Burns American Motherhood
- This blog started as a class project, but I couldn't put it down. There is just too much information that we need as women and as parents! We shouldn't be afraid to talk about any of it!