I was looking at the Camellia Ball from December 2011 in Mobile, Alabama. I was so excited to see my first cousin and his little girl (she was a server/hostess) to the debutantes. He was so handsome (but not as handsome as my own son) (mother showing partiality.)
The gowns were absolutely beautiful but interesting on some of the ladies. I was never a hound to fashion until I reached 20 years old. Then when I reached 40 – it was comfort. My butt became a little more spread out and in a million years I would never have thought I would be writing to criticize women and their fashions for any reason – no, never, not me!
Ladies, now has come the time, I am 52 years old today! I am going to “blast” you. Mardi Gras season is approaching fast. Get a book on fashion – please and remember a few things (a) it may look good on the model in the magazine, but (b) it may very well look horrid on you personally. I will also blast some of the young men in their finest tuxes (rental or personally owned-matters not.)
Debutante or not, or parent(s), have you all lost your minds? I have to ask this of the photographer too taking some of the pictures. This is supposed to be a Southern young ladies finest hour!
What I saw was not right. I am criticizing (deeply with my heavy southern accent).
(1) If you have a stomach pooch, do not wear a dress that is designed for a flat stomached woman.
(2) When a woman descends stairs they are to walk turned to the side not straight down.
(3) When walking forward, glide, smaller steps. Do not walk like you are taking great big steps to attack.
(4) Plus size ladies, there is nothing wrong with being plus size. But, buy your gowns or undergarments that do not reveal the third and fourth back breast of our bodies. I am a plus size and this problem is easily attended to with a little imagination.
(5) Sleeveless is ok on some women but not every woman. Work with the flaws that you have. If you have sumo wrestler arms, with a wobble, or an extra layer in the back of the arm, small sleeves can minimize this or a simple cover sleeve (shoulder sleeve.)
(6) Gentlemen, please make sure your pants are hemmed with a simple break at the shoes. If you wear a 30 in length, do not show up in a 32 length. The baggy “khaki” pants look un-kept and like you just hopped out of bed without a thought in your head and went to a formal dance. Besides, the Camellia Ball was a formal and mothers what are you doing letting you son show up in a blue blazer, khakis, a pair of deck shoes, and a red tie. Formal means tux; business means blue blazer. Someone take that young boy and shoot him for being a clone!
(7) If you are going to play the part of the “southern wife” make sure your husband is perfectly dressed and that includes the smile on his face and combed hair. Gentlemen could you at least seem happy to be presenting your most prized offspring at that moment. Talk about tacky and sour! If your daughter misbehaves maybe it is your unpleasant appearance – fathers!
(8) If you are in a strapless gown, do not bend over to have any picture made. I am big busted (always have been) but there is nothing more unsightly as seeing sagging, hanging breast on any age woman especially from the front at a formal event. I saw one young lady in a strapless with breast ready to fall out with the wrong move and her cleavage was showing a bit too much? Was she wearing any panties or a strapless slip or strapless bra? Didn’t look like it to me!
(9) To the woman in the fur coat, loose it. Do not point out and ask questions of the little girls and just don’t point. It is rude to point period! Fur coats are out of season-- out of style!
(10) Ladies that have died hair, make sure it isn’t too dead. Make sure the color is compatible with your skin otherwise the picture will capture a washed out woman looking older than she really is. (My friend who is a hair designer specialists in Mobile would have laughed at your coloring because in several pictures, it was damn dead looking --hair and face.)
(11) When choosing a dress, kindly remember, this a ball and not a beauty pageant. Debutantes please wear all white and not different shades of pink. Pink is not a flattering color on every one.
(12) Other ladies when attending a formal, a short skirt is not in for every formal. The majority of the ladies were in gowns, short to calf length (tea length) is generally considered cocktail. Short sequined ensemble is “Hollywood youth” form the Lindsay Lohan collection and not southern gentility.
(13) Kill the large flower bouquet until you are finished being escorted by your father’s down the stairs. Look up! Be proud to be there. The chin should be level, with confidence in your eyes looking forward. It never hurts to practice. Do not look like you are being sacrificed.
(14) There is not much I can say about Mardi Gras other than ladies be inventive with your gowns. Do stop wearing that tiring old “crap!” Year after year I see some of the same styles. BORING! Same thing with men! BORING! Ladies remember (if you are older) (or your body type has changed) be unique.
(15) Highlight your best features.
Here are some ideas:
Busty women with large plump breast can flaunt them. No problem but not strapless. It is still cool at night during the season. Think heart shaped bust with lighter color sheer chiffon that goes up to the neck attaching to a satin nap at the neck with sleeves that fits to the actual arms, back and neck area. A simple sequin or pearl button in the back followed by a gentle opening with a zipper will make the gown priceless and unique. If not look at the older fashions from the 40s, 50s, and 60s; have your dressed made with silks or satins. A woman floating across the dance floor in layers of satin, silk or chiffon around her waist to the floor is beautiful. It would make her the angel of the ball. Ribbon taffeta, glitter tulle, a lame, or netting would make a great outer layer to any gown but be careful because they are very delicate fabrics. Check out the different fabrics before choosing your gown. Organza, charmeuse, faille, habutae, crinoline, certain mesh, polka dots (yes polka dots), and dare to say “COTTON” or “LINEN” are acceptable. Jackie O wore a linen gown with a back opened empire jacket once. How elegant was that? VERY!
If a woman has a back that is her best feature, flaunt that back but do not flaunt the front at the same time. If her arms and legs are great but not her chest, flaunt those beautiful arms or legs. A slit in a woman’s gown is definitely a head turning event (especially up the back of the dress.) Her husband will definitely look twice and if he doesn’t just shoot him! Go sensual not overly trashy sexy. Aloof sensual, delicate, charming, simple, elegant – do not go bold, busty, letting the roles of age be seen in your gowns this coming season.
MEN
It is time you out right purchased tuxedos. Try looking at the designer specials like Hart Schaffner Max Gold Trumpeter-Capital Collection. It has a high necked collar which is very “James Bond” cool, sleek, and sexy! Notice the leg break; it should be a slight indentation just at the top of the shoe. You do not have to wear a cumber bun with this outfit unless you just want to. Of course no man can go wrong with Armani unless you buy an Armani knock off. These are generally a great buy if you shop Nordstrom’s. Get out of the tails and please leave the tail tux (cutaway tails) to the ultra formal wedding or the formal wait staff. If you want to be sleek and sexy—TRY SOMETHING DARING AND NEW! Joseph and Feiss has a black over grey double breasted that would make any man look like a body builder macho dude coming to get his damsel. Calvin Kline is more “Bond, James Bond” with a black single button over all white. (My son looked absolutely dreamy to the young women dressed in this tux.) Kline also has a grey satin edged peaked lapel. What has happened to the Dinner Jacket? Do men not have enough “gonads” to wear Dinner Jackets anymore? Most of these can be purchased at Men’s Warehouse or any other chain for that matter fairly reasonable.
Ok what I am getting at is BE DIFFERENT this year. Be risky be daring! Find a seamstress. Or here is an idea. Buy the dress 2nd hand and have it reworked with new fabrics. But do something and don’t be the same tiring group that gets together for a formal event.
